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Monday, March 17, 2014

What My Mother Didn't Know

My mother didn't know many of my life struggles. Primarily because most of them were just not talked about, (pregnancy, drugs, bullying) which made me struggle through school and home with no one to talk too and more importantly, trying to become an adult all alone at a very young age. I had a learning disability (ADD) that didn't have a label yet, so I bounced from learning resource room, to room, to room. My peers called me names, tripped me in the hallways, took my books, and cornered me the bathrooms. My self-worth, confidence, and education suffered. Because I never "fit in," with what society called "normal" kids, I sought out the only clique who would accept me - the "those kids." The "those kids" were square pegs that couldn't fit into round holes and had no one else to turn too but ourselves.

I couldn't talk to my parents because I didn't think they would understand and other subjects I needed to talk about where not covered in school and even worse - considered taboo in our house. I was looking for answers to life, approval of myself and someone who would love me. I found it with my new friends who drank alcohol, smoked pot, had sex with each other and skipped school. As a result, I became pregnant twice and had 2 abortions without my parents knowledge, contracted an STI, and advanced from pot to cocaine. I was still lonely, felt unloved, and confused about the meaning of life, friends, love and boys. 
I managed 6 years of college with no degree (I loved college!) and married a man who had one thing in common - drugs. He came from a dysfunctional, drug, abusive family and my co-dependence rose to challenge to "fix him." Please note **You cannot fix people!** After 12 years of marriage, children and a home the evolved with domestic violence, I finally decided it was time to put my foot down and save my children (oh, and myself as well) and rediscover a life without power and control looming over me.

Today I am a single mother of 3 boys and a survivor of domestic violence. I vowed that communication would always be open and honest in my family. There is nothing that my boys can't come and talk to me about and I believe that all all individuals should be able to have an open conversation about anything that is on their mind.

I don't judge. I believe that we are all created equal, and everyone has their own right to act, dress, talk, and live the way they want. We have to start somewhere to stop the bullying, suicide, rape, and domestic violence. My belief is to educate society that
these behaviors are not acceptable nor tolerated. My hope is that this blog will develop safe conversation that will empower a new generation of people who no longer need power and control over others to feel important because they will already know that they matter just the way they are. Yes! You do matter and everything that constructs yourself is unique and special. I want to know more about you, so please comment, feel free to share, and walk with me in developing open and safe conversation.

1 comment:

  1. I see this daily in high school


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